Pace & Phase

  

“In many ways I'll miss the good old days

Someday

Someday”

- Someday, The Strokes (2001)

Four years ago, the lit-up face of mine after receiving the news that I have passed the entrance examination became my standpoint starter for pursuing education to make a progress. Making and setting up my mind to my first choice, I strive to excel in my academic and non-academic endeavors regardless of what the results might be. Alongside with the most cliché idea of college fun while studying, I got to remind myself to see and think about the future, that I became obsessed about knowing what lies ahead – searching, wanting, looking.
Looking back, I compromised some that might be remarkable.

Sometimes we gather our hopes through educational attainment, accomplishments and experiences, so we tried to reach for them. It is the clearest way of getting through life. Been trapped in a constant loop of having a problem and solving it through the best of our capabilities and wanting to evaluate ourselves thereafter, and we think that that is the best part. We continue to collect the best skill set we can offer to the world for the pursuit of satisfaction and success. I aspire to think that I need to know everything.

Success is a subjective word and apparently, some people don’t realize. Some people perceive it as being the next big millionaire in his luxury mansion and cars, some say it is the blinding light of the stage and the flickering lights provided by their audiences and some may say it's holding a doctorate diploma. Some people generalize. Whatever that was, it is fully concerned with the thought of having sufficient satisfaction. It depends on what satisfies a person. I continued pacing with long strides.

Four years have passed and with the help of God; family, people around me, a scholar foundation, my university, I’m going to graduate. Yesterday I went to fall in line 12+ hours for my toga picture. That’s the longest concrete queue of my life so far. Exhausting. I always look at my clock for updates on how long we’ve been waiting for the line. I often look at the picture taking room, envisioning myself in there. 

From before sunrise to after sunset, my mind is readying myself to face this reality – we want it to end. Minute after minute while eating, reading and sharing stories, I was struck by an idea.

Maybe it’s the small things – your friend’s jokes in a four-year basis, those embarrassing jeepney moments, those DOTA play wins (and loses), your victorious swimming competition, your loud music jams that made the professors angry, your no-shame presentation on a talent competition. Maybe this long line is about how I spent my 12+ hours, waiting for the queue for a 2-minute picture taking. Maybe it’s about eating, sticky sweating, sitting somewhere, sleeping and sharing stories together with those around me while waiting. Maybe it's about sharing the same passion to reach the pictorial room. 

Maybe we don’t need a map or a compass. Maybe it is about expanding, regardless of directions. Maybe it’s the journey; neither the road, nor the destination. Maybe it’s not about knowing everything. 

Now, the search for the entry level job with the most possible benefits is on the line. Where I envisioned the four years of attending classes will eventually lead to this. This new real word they warned us about.

But isn’t it real enough long before we're here in this stage?
I think it’s already ‘real’ from the very first moment we take our first inhale.

By the way,
Graduation is a bittersweet word.
But we keep moving.

I keep myself enjoying the pace, regardless of the phase.